If I Only Had
by medicatedxlives
Summary: A Brain. A Home. A Heart. The Nerve. Four Marauders, all missing something that they wished they had. Something that would help them feel more complete.
1. A Brain : James Potter

A/N: Wow, I haven't written anything in like...FOREVER. Anyways, I don't really know how this idea came to me, but it's been sitting in my journal for a while now. The Marauders will be featured in four (incredibly short) one-shots in a Wizard of Oz kind of theme. I hope you enjoy it! Remember, reviews are always welcome :)

**Disclaimer: The Marauders and all other aspects of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter belong solely to the genius JK Rowling.**

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_I would not be just a nothin' my head all full of stuffin'_  
_ My heart all full of pain._  
_ I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry,_  
_ If I only had a brain._

_- _"If I Only Had a Brain" _The Wizard of Oz  
_

**A Brain: James Potter**

There is no teacher at Hogwarts who would think twice in admitting that James Potter is a troublemaker. But then again, there is also no teacher who would dare be caught calling him a slacker.

Though James might not be as smart as his over-achieving friend Remus Lupin, there is no denying that he has a rather good head on his shoulders. James receives excellent grades – particularly in Transfiguration – and works hard to prove that he is not just another Quidditch playing-pretty boy-prankster.

But, if James Potter is so smart, why is it that Lily Evans, of all people, has the tendency to make him feel as if he has no brains whatsoever? It's not only the fact that Lily talks to him as if he is extremely dim-witted, it's also that whenever Lily is around, he has the incapability to form even a vaguely coherent and logical thought.

The empty-headedness that occurs in Lily's presence is quite unfortunate for James. It usually results in him making a total fool out of himself, something he always hopes that he _doesn't_ do in front of her.

Unfortunately for him, James has done quite a number of stupid stuff over the past few years because of his proximity to Lily Evans. Most of them he has come to regret, but he would prefer to relive each and every one of those embarrassing moments if it would allow him to take back what had happened earlier that day. The situation that had taken place – regrettably in front of almost the whole school – that morning in the Great Hall easily surpassed each and every stupid thing he had ever done in his whole sixteen years of life.

For earlier that day, he approached Lily quite calmly as she sat chatting with her friends during breakfast, and he had asked her out. Of course, this in itself was not stupid; he had done this many times before and was ready for Lily's answer. For six years she turned him down, and he expected just as much that morning. And of course, he was not disappointed. Though, he was a little unsatisfied.

James was growing tired of this cycle of rejection that him and Lily seemed to be stuck in. He wanted something new to happen, something that could maybe take them on a new path.

So, it was then that James thought of an idea that, at the time, seemed brilliant, but ended up making number one on his, "Top 10 Dumbest Things I Have Ever Done" list.

At the time it seemed smart, even logical, to look Lily straight in her captivatingly green eyes and ask, "Why? Why won't you go out with me, Evans? Honestly? Tell me, I can take it."

But it turned out that James couldn't take it. He realized this when he saw the look in Lily's eyes. He had also realized that he just made a rather big mistake.

Lily Evans told James Potter why she didn't want to go out with him, and there was no denying that she was being honest. Actually, some who witnessed the scene would admit that she was being a bit _too_ honest.

Lily gave James a list of reasons why she would not go out with him. Hell, if she wanted to, she probably could've written a book using only the reasons why she would never in a million years go out with James Potter.

With every reason Lily gave (which ranged from how she hated the way James constantly ruffled his hair to the fact that he always received better marks than her in Transfiguration) James began to feel more and more stupid. Almost everything Lily said was a huge blow to "his over inflated ego", and even worse, it all made James hate himself nearly as much as she obviously hated him.

Now James realizes that if he really is smart and really has any brains at all, he would have figured out that there are solid reasons for why Lily Evans dislikes him. But, it is now evident that James' head is actually in fact filled with nothing but fluff. He is the stupidest person in the world and had to make an equally stupid mistake to figure it out.

Oh, if only he had a brain, then maybe he would've realized sooner that in order for Lily Evans to like him as much as he liked her, he would have to stop being such a, "pompous, arrogant, dung-brained prick."


	2. A Home : Sirius Black

A/N: I'd like to start off by thanking Scision, Gika Black, Lily . and . Alice and names are overrated for the reviews. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside knowing someone took their time to let me know what they think :)

Here's the next chapter to my mini-series! Got it up pretty quick didn't I ;)

I really like this one but it's a little more serious (no pun intended) than the one for James.

I hope you enjoy it! Reviews are **extremely** welcome :D

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_This was a real, truly live place. _  
_ And I remember that some of it wasn't very nice - but most of it was beautiful. _  
_ But just the same, all I kept saying to everybody was, 'I want to go home!'_

_-_The Wizard of Oz_  
_

**A Home: Sirius Black**

"Hey man, it'll be okay. Maybe your parents will let you escape to the fabulous Potter Resorts for a while," James said, giving his friend what he hoped was a comforting look, "and even if they don't, well...I'm sure we can find some way to get you there."

"That would be awesome. I'll see if they will. And if not, well then, I'll just have to sneak out now won't I." Sirius forced a smile then gave James a – very manly – goodbye hug.

He said his goodbyes to his two other best friends, Remus and Peter and took a deep breath. He slowly made his way over to where he could see his mother and brother standing. Sirius couldn't' help but notice that there was something about them which set them apart from the other occupants of Platform 9 ¾: happy Hogwarts students glad to be going home for the summer holidays.

Sirius knew he probably stuck out amongst his peers as well. But that might just be because of the fact that he was probably the only one there who dreaded the summer holidays. Then again, he thought nearly all people would feel the same way if they were in his position.

When Sirius finally reached his family, his younger brother, Regalus, was relaying the results of a Quidditch game to their mother, who was clearly not listening. She never paid attention to either of them, even Regalus who she clearly liked better. Neither she nor Sirius's father even pretended to be interested in a word that their children were saying. It was like Sirius and Regalus were not worthy of the parents they were given. It was one of the qualities that Sirius hated about his parent's – how they treated everyone as if they were beneath them.

"I expect you to take a shower as soon as you get home," Ms. Black said, cutting Regalus off mid-sentence, "I'd rather not have the stench of blood-traitors and half-breeds befouling The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black." She looked down at Sirius in utter disgust.

Sirius glared, anger boiling beneath his skin. An almost dog-like growl built up in his throat and it took all of his effort not to let it out. Instead he spat out a, "Yes, Mother" from behind clenched teeth. There was no use letting his actual thoughts out into the open. If he wanted any chance of escaping to James' house for the summer, he would have to be on his best behavior.

Oh, but how that title _sickened_ him. The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Ancient it may be but there was nothing noble about the place Sirius lived and the people who he was forced to call family. Everything about the name Black just screamed shallow, arrogant, and judgmental. If that is considered noble, then yes, Sirius's home was not only the noblest house of Black but of the whole wizarding community.

Ms. Black began to walk towards a set of fireplaces, Regalus following her like an obedient puppy. He always tried his hardest to gain attention and approval from his parent's. Sirius on the other hand did not care for what his parent's thought of him. Sirius walked behind them both, trying to stay as far back as possible, almost like his family was on trial and he did not wish to be found guilty by association.

The three of them would be going home using the Floo Network which was set up within the Platform, as always. Ms. Black found petty muggle contraptions such as cars below her and as neither of her children were old enough to apparate or disapparate that was out of the question.

The three Black's reached an empty fireplace. Like usual, Sirius went first. He grabbed his bags and a pinch of Floo Powder. The fire in front of him turned a bright and beautiful emerald green as he threw the magical substance into it. Sirius stepped into the fire and said clearly, "12 Grimmauld Place", enjoying the tickling warmth of the enchanted flames for only a few seconds before getting whisked away.

Sirius's head spun as he flew past what seemed to be hundreds of fireplaces. Sometimes he could hear snippets of conversations from behind the flames. How he wished he could just get off at one of the stops not leading to Grimmauld Place. He would rather be anywhere at all. It didn't matter where, as long as it was not his house.

Sirius would give anything to live in a house inhabited by people who loved him and cared for him, live with a family whose only concerns did not circle around the "purity of blood". He hated his parents who took too much concern in how society viewed them. He hated his brother who so desperately craved for approval. He hated his whole entire extended family filled with people who were no better than the ones he lived with. He hated that he was one of the only ones who knew that blood-status does not matter _shit_ in the real world.

Sirius really hated not being able to go home to someplace where he belonged.

Quickly and suddenly, Sirius and his bags were chucked harshly onto the cold floor of his kitchen. He landed painfully and ungracefully on his hands and knees but took no time getting up and brushing off the soot and dirt which covered his clothes. He looked around the room which, like the rest of his house, was so cold, so uninviting. He grabbed his bags and started to make his way up to his room, the only place where he could escape, even if momentarily, from the pressures of family. As he quickly climbed the stairs, hoping to make it up before his mother and brother returned, he couldn't help but to bitterly think that there really was no place like home.


	3. A Heart : Peter Pettigrew

A/N: Here's chapter three of the mini-series. Sorry that this one took a little longer to get out. I've been on vacation in Canada for the last two days and I just got a chance to finish this up. Once again this one-shot is more on the serious side. I assure you though that last one will be more light-hearted.

I hope you enjoy, and remember, reviews are ALWAYS welcome :)

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_And yet I'm torn apart_  
_ Just because I'm presumin'_  
_ That I could be a human_  
_ If I only had a heart  
_"If I Only Had a Heart" - The Wizard of Oz

**A Heart: Peter Pettigrew **

"Well Wormtail, I pray you have the information that I seek?"

Peter Pettigrew dropped to his knees, bowing down to the Dark Lord. "Yes, master," he replied, addressing the floor in front of him, "just last night the Potter's decided to make me their secret keeper instead of Sirius Black. The Fidelus Charm was performed this morning. I am now the only soul alive who can reveal their location."

"Excellent," Voldemort's cold, high voice was filled with a frightening sort of excitement. It was the type of excitement that meant nothing but bad news. Just the one word was enough to send shivers up Peter's spine. Like the other Death Eaters, he was well aware that anything that stirred positive reactions in the Dark Lord meant that someone else would be facing negative outcomes.

"Wormtail?" Voldemort's voice pierced the stale air of the nondescript room the two were located in. An eerie sort of echo reverberated off the stone walls.

"Yes, master?" Peter tried to remain calm, keep his voice steady. He did not want the fear filling in his body to be displayed in any way. Voldemort was not kind to any form of weakness, especially fear.

"There is something I must know before I ask you for the location of the Potters. Would you please rise and face me." It was not a request. The Dark Lord did not make requests; he only gave orders.

Peter drew in a shaky breath and reluctantly rose to his feet. He tried not to flinch as he stared at Voldemort's feline eyes with his own rat-like ones. It was like a predator staring into the eyes of its prey. His fear swelled considerably, consuming every bone in his body and he shook so badly it was a miracle that he was not back on the hard dirt floor once again. Every bone in his body urged him to run. Natural instincts. Fight of flee. A rat stood no chance against a vicious cat. There was no use in even attempting to fight.

Suddenly, trying to hide his emotions was not Peter's biggest concerns.

"Wormtail," Voldemort said again. His scarlet eyes burned into Peter's as if looking deep into his soul. Peter gave an embarrassingly high-pitched squeak in reply. "Are you really ready to hand over the life of your friends to the Dark Lord?" The question was asked with genuine curiosity though there was an underlying hint of malice and what seemed strangely like...glee. It was an incredibly odd combination, especially coming from the frequently emotionless man who sat in front of Peter.

His eyes widened in shock. Ready? Of course he was not _ready_. Was anyone ever ready to betray their friends? To know that they were responsible for ending someone's lives? No, Peter knew he was not ready to give Lord Voldemort the life of James Potter and his wife Lily, two of only four people who treated him as a friend, an equal. They had entrusted him with a secret so vital to their existence and he was about to betray their trust by revealing it to the one man he could not tell under any circumstances.

He was a traitor. He was a lowlife. He was scum. He was a _rat_.

Peter had always wondered why his animagus form was the rat. When he was younger it had bothered him that James and Sirius had forms so much cooler than his.

Now he understood. When researching on transformations, The Marauders had learned that a human's most prominent qualities determined what animal they would become. Sirius was the dog because he was loyal, playful, and protective. James was the stag because he was strong, yet had a sort of graceful air.

And he was a rat because he was a coward, a crook, and a sneaky, betraying bastard.

Then there was the fact that Peter knew he had to do all that he could to keep himself alive. He had a natural instinct at survival. He knew that The Order of the Phoenix had chosen the wrong side of the war. The losing side. They put themselves in harms way. In dangerous situations. Peter couldn't do that to himself. Couldn't risk his life to save others. He only knew how to save himself.

Selling out the Potters was definitely a way to save himself. Even if he knew in his heart that it was a terrible decision.

A heart. Peter almost laughed, but instead gave another frightened squeak. Did he even _have_ a heart? He was sure that if he did he would never have become a Death Eater. It was a path that led to horrible things. The Death Eaters were told to complete the most gruesome tasks, ones that only the heartless would be able to perform. Peter had been asked to kill innocent people. He was asked to betray his friends.

There was only one answer to the question that was presented to him.

Peter let out a shaky breath but when he spoke, his voice was surprisingly clear and steady.

"I am prepared to do _anything_ in the benefit of the great Dark Lord."


	4. The Nerve : Remus Lupin

A/N: The last chapter is finally up! Thank you for everyone who favorited and commented on this series of mini one-shots. I really appreciate your kindness :)

I hope everyone enjoys this last story. Please feel free to let me know what you think :D

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_Yeh, it's sad, believe me, Missy,  
When you're born to be a sissy  
Without the vim and verve.  
But I could show my prowess, be a lion not a mou-ess  
If I only had the nerve.  
_"If I Only Had the Nerve" - The Wizard of Oz

**The Nerve: Remus Lupin**

Gryffindor Common Room buzzed with the usual excitement that followed the first Hogsmeade visit of the year. Third years sat around in big groups, trading Honeydukes sweets, Zonko's proudcts, and stories about who got how close to the now infamous Shrieking Shack. Older students gathered in more secluded parties, gossiping about who was spotted at Madam Puddifoot's together and who would gather up the courage to make a move on Madam Rosmerta.

Amongst the happy students sat the four Marauders, splayed out in their favorite seats right in front of the fireplace. Sirius Black and James Potter sat with their heads together, staring at a most peculiar map with the names and locations of every person within the Hogwarts grounds. They spoke in hushed voices, implying that, as usual, their discussion would lead to nothing but trouble. Peter Pettigrew sat beside them, wanting desperately to be included in the planning of James and Sirius's latest scheme.

A little apart from the other three sat Remus Lupin, reading by the light of the fire. The book hid his face which sported now fading scars and scratches. The position in which he sat gave anyone who looked in his direction a perfect view of the shiny prefect's badge pinned to the front of shabby black robes. Though most who knew Remus would not consider him pretentious, strangers might think that he wore the badge with pride and had no problem whatsoever flaunting his newly instated authority.

But then again, everyone knows that appearances are often a bit deceiving.

"No, James!" Sirius suddenly exclaimed loudly. A couple of nearby first years jumped in fright at the outburst. "Dungbombs would take way too long to get in, plus we'd never get them past Filch!"

Remus snuck a peek at his friend over the top of his book. The shadows and contours brought out on Sirius's face from the fire made him look like a madman.

"But what else can we use? We already ruled out stink pellets and I know you remember what happened last time we tried the Butterbeer Contraption. There's no other way for this plan to work!" James shot back, his voice a bit quieter but filled with just as much frustration and exasperation as Sirius's.

"Guys, is this something I should be worrying about?" Remus asked warily.

Sirius looked at his friend, confused. "Worried about? Why would you be worried? We've set up a very simple Switching Spell Scenario for you. It's something that you've done like a million times - shouldn't give you much trouble."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Not that kind of worried, Padfoot. I mean are you guys doing something you're not supposed to? I'm pretty sure I got chosen as prefect so I can prevent you two from doing things which are potentially illegal."

"Hey, we're staying away from potentially illegal after what happened at The Three Broomsticks last year. If there's anything not worth repeating, it's the aftermath of The Great Goat-napping."

"And plus, what are you gonna do even if we _are_ doing something doing something we're not supposed to? Give us detention?" James's lopsided smile spread across his face as Sirius gave a little snicker.

"And what if I _do_ give you a detention?" Remus countered. His face was calm though the corners of his lips lifted slightly over his teeth in a rather wolf-like sign of anger. He felt insulted that his friends were so blatantly undermining his authority.

This time Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh come on Moony, you're not giving us a detention. You can't do something like that."

Remus felt a familiar sense of infuriation inside of him at Sirius's words. It was the feeling he got whenever his friends were not giving him the respect that he deserved. James and Sirius constantly made rude comments about his high grades or enjoyment of reading or more recently, his newly acquired prefect's badge. Remus knew it was all in good fun, but he didn't enjoy being one of James and Sirius's targets.

Not only that, but it was really only once a month that Remus let out his anger and frustration at his friends. Only once a month was he able to free himself from all of his complicated and contradicting human emotions and let the wolf within take control.

And really, it was only in that wolf form that Remus _could_ let go of his feelings. He would never loose his cool over something like James and Sirius's constant teasing. He always tried as hard as he could to keep himself in check. Remus didn't want to do anything that would result in the loss of his friends. He was afraid to lose the three people in his life who hung out with him despite his, "furry little problem".

As usual, the anger died down quickly and Remus sighed. Sirius was right; Remus would never give his friends detention (even though he knew he should).

"Whatever Padfoot," Remus finally grumbled. "Just try not to get caught this time, alright? I sorta like this badge. I'd rather _not _have it taken away because I don't have the nerve to put you and Prongs in detention. Just keep in mind that I totally would if it wasn't for the fact that I'm scared crapless of what you would do to me afterwards."


End file.
